IT'S APRIL!!!!!!! For those of you who don't know... IT IS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!! YAY! YIPPEE! HOLLA! YESSSSSSSSSSS! (right...back to real life) So for some reason I am not the least bit jazzed about my birthday this year. Honestly it's not anything new... I am always thankful for another year of life, and I know the blessing of having 365 days and nights of new breath, new opportunities, new footsteps...just NEWNESS. But this year I don't feel like celebrating anything. No fancy dinner, party, cake, balloons... Nothing. I have friends who celebrate themselves for the entire MONTH of their birthday... LITERALLY Block out Every weekend in the month because they have a different activity planned. (You know who you are... tee hee) But there is something about this year that has left as excited as a wet noddle about turning the big 2-7. (WOW!! THAT'S GETTING OLD)
I was talking with a friend about it and I REALLY couldn't really figure out why I was so mellow yellow about my day of BIRTH! She thinks I'm nuts! I think when it all boils down, I expected to be at a different place by the time I turned 27. I don't want to celebrate mediocrity... Maybe I'd be Engaged, fully in my career and successful, or maybe travelling to all of the exotic placed on my bucket list. Something significant.. but no... I am still here... uneducated (since I have no paper to document such achievements), working so I can pay my bills and pretend I'm "Doing the Damn thing", Miss independent (In my parents house) I know it seems like I'm bashing myself, but I'm being very honest with myself and my 6 followers (Hey Ya'll). I EXPECTED MORE FOR MYSELF! Am I making my strides?? of course, BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH! I'm tired of crawling and I WILL kick it into high gear. I am fully aware that the race is not given to the swift nor to the strong, but to the one that can endures until the end.. HOWEVER I need to make sure I am putting my best foot, leg, arm, belly rolls, nostril, and whatever else forward. No excuses, not laziness, no lack luster approach to life. It's really time to show up and show out. That's all let me get back to work...
Until we meet again...
(Feeling so blah I won't even change the font color or spell check... so there! )
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
New Job
*singing* "SOMEBODY GOT A NEW JOB...SOMEBODY GOT A NEW JOB!!" That's right you read that correctly! I have waved the world of RETAIL goodbye and taken one step closer in the the arena of a real J-O-B! I am done with the monotonous beep of a cash register. No more RUDE, DEMANDING, IMPATIENT, customers.. GOODBYE to RUDE, DEMANDING, IMPATIENT managers... I am not saying that I won't miss my regular customers, and the wonderful interactions I had with my co-workers, but it was time for baby girl to move on and move up...
So what am I doing you ask... Well I am the switchboard operator for the GI (GastroIntestinal) Specialist of Georgia. When I was hired I was told that I would just be transferring calls to the appropriate location between like 6 hospitals. I WAS HOODWINKED....BAMBOOZLED....whatever you wanna call it. Not only am I transferring calls but I am paging doctors, nurse practitioners, and medical asst. Looking up patient records and sending them to the right hospital/doc, connecting patients to their correct nurses or doctor (AFTER i have to sit and listen to their ailments concerning their irregular bowel movements, vomiting, diarrhea, and hemmroids...*yuck*), cancelling appts, handling pharmacy perscription calls... and more...WHAT IN THE!!!
My first week I was quite sure I had bitten off more then I could chew, swallow, digest and deficate... I was SOOOO OVERWHELMED! It was crazy... Everyone else in the office has prior experience at others hospitals, or went to school for something medical. Week 2 got a little better, but I still had my break down/pep talk moments. I am in week three and feel more comfortable and confident in my job. I still have lots of questions, but I am starting to enjoy this transitional phase..(especially bc I finally get paid this week!! ). But I'm understanding that life is one big learning process and this is just another volume in my life's library.
~*~*FOREVER BLOSSOMING~*~*
So what am I doing you ask... Well I am the switchboard operator for the GI (GastroIntestinal) Specialist of Georgia. When I was hired I was told that I would just be transferring calls to the appropriate location between like 6 hospitals. I WAS HOODWINKED....BAMBOOZLED....whatever you wanna call it. Not only am I transferring calls but I am paging doctors, nurse practitioners, and medical asst. Looking up patient records and sending them to the right hospital/doc, connecting patients to their correct nurses or doctor (AFTER i have to sit and listen to their ailments concerning their irregular bowel movements, vomiting, diarrhea, and hemmroids...*yuck*), cancelling appts, handling pharmacy perscription calls... and more...WHAT IN THE!!!
My first week I was quite sure I had bitten off more then I could chew, swallow, digest and deficate... I was SOOOO OVERWHELMED! It was crazy... Everyone else in the office has prior experience at others hospitals, or went to school for something medical. Week 2 got a little better, but I still had my break down/pep talk moments. I am in week three and feel more comfortable and confident in my job. I still have lots of questions, but I am starting to enjoy this transitional phase..(especially bc I finally get paid this week!! ). But I'm understanding that life is one big learning process and this is just another volume in my life's library.
~*~*FOREVER BLOSSOMING~*~*
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
She called me a masterpiece...
The pain I feel is fresh out the package. It's got that new car smell to it. A pain I have seen before in many of its facets... but this feels brand new, untouchable, almost unrecognizable. Have I experience death before yes... from a distance... yards.... miles... states... And then death knocked on my front door, put up his feet and stayed a while. The worst house guest I've ever met. I sat and watched Grandma try and catch her breath from a short walks from the bed to the bathroom and back again. The same woman who was use to carrying loads of laundry up flights of stairs on her 80 year old scoliosis back. A fighter to say the least. and now she heaves heavy breaths with sunken eyes. Stupid face Death (the kid in me says) How dare you sleuth around my house sniffing your next victim? Not her.... Please not her. I hate you Death!
And still... in the the midst of her final moments she rescues this fallen heart of mine, revives breath into me life as she struggles to catch her own. I rest myself in the seat next to her and hold the straw to he lips to sip her daily soup puree. I wipe her mouth... Give her water... She looks at me and apologizes. While death strokes her salt and pepper hair out of her face... she apologizes.... "I'm sorry you have to take care of me... I know you could be doing something else" I was almost offended... I would want nothing more then to be by her side at that very moment... Memorizing her smell, holding the hands that have dug, prayed, hit, soothed, cooked, ironed, praised, bled, nestled, nurtured, chastised , and played. I watch death hover like fog and she said to me... "Deidre... you know you are a Masterpiece." and there I melted into a puddle of new found worth.
No sooner had death come into my house had he hitched a ride to the hospital where she laid her sweet head. I sat next to her bed holding her twig-like fingers as she moved restlessly anticipating her end. I kissed her hand, and watched death steal her last breath. Up close and personal, in my face God...He who is life and death, beginning and endings put Grandma to rest. But in her slumber those words ring everlasting in my heart. Words inspired by God..... spoken through His vessel.... used to inspire the hopeless.
RIP Lurlene Bennett
And still... in the the midst of her final moments she rescues this fallen heart of mine, revives breath into me life as she struggles to catch her own. I rest myself in the seat next to her and hold the straw to he lips to sip her daily soup puree. I wipe her mouth... Give her water... She looks at me and apologizes. While death strokes her salt and pepper hair out of her face... she apologizes.... "I'm sorry you have to take care of me... I know you could be doing something else" I was almost offended... I would want nothing more then to be by her side at that very moment... Memorizing her smell, holding the hands that have dug, prayed, hit, soothed, cooked, ironed, praised, bled, nestled, nurtured, chastised , and played. I watch death hover like fog and she said to me... "Deidre... you know you are a Masterpiece." and there I melted into a puddle of new found worth.
No sooner had death come into my house had he hitched a ride to the hospital where she laid her sweet head. I sat next to her bed holding her twig-like fingers as she moved restlessly anticipating her end. I kissed her hand, and watched death steal her last breath. Up close and personal, in my face God...He who is life and death, beginning and endings put Grandma to rest. But in her slumber those words ring everlasting in my heart. Words inspired by God..... spoken through His vessel.... used to inspire the hopeless.
RIP Lurlene Bennett
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